Joke Sharer Pillows

The party, after you left

'What do you mean, our marriage license has expired?'

'If it makes you feel any better, when I was your age, bullies used to put a 'Kick Me' sign on my back, too.'

'...so then I said 'your camera is stealing my soul' and he said 'I'm so sorry - how can I possibly repay you?''

'Check it out! These things are marshmallows.'

Texting a Joke to my Kids

Due to higher-than-usual caller volume, your wait-time is nine minutes. That's over an hour in wolverine minutes.

He always expresses his wit in short quips. The pith of least resistance!

One of the books was un-red.

'That the biggest fish ever caught here, what bait did you use?'

'The trouble with marriage is the unintended consequences.'

Parting Shot

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

'Men are like fragments of soap... they get together in bars!'

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

'Your shoe's untied.'

"I told you playing Pin the Tail on the Donkey was a dumb idea."

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

'Not that sort of body building program!'

The born comedian - 'I'm only two days old and already I'm using great one liners!'

"It says: 'The teamwork that got you here is the real treasure.' Aww."

"The hyenas started it."

"That's all I get? A sonogram? No tracking number?"

Middle-Age Superheroes

Shampoo.

"If I can't ask for more wishes, how about more genies?"

'Sometimes, laughter is the best medicine.'

How about going easy on the carbs

'Marsha, did you file the Peterson account on the cumulus, stratus, cirrus, or nimbus cloud?'

Doggone