Funny Story Sharer Pillows

"No! How would it look if I listed a CAT as a friend on my social media page?"

"Bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark"

" 'How I Spent My Summer Vacation,' a treatment by Todd Mozelle, Grade Three."

"You wake up after 100 years and the first thing you do is check your phone?"

That lovely summer day, Little Red Riding Hood decided to deviate from the script.

"And then, suddenly, it was 3 P.M., and she hadn't really got anything done."

'It doesn't say what she had for dessert on Thanksgiving. It just says she made a coach out of her pumpkin.'

Wanna talk about it?

"Congratulations! It's a boy! Quickly nurse! Get her phone and upload a picture to facebook!"

"Well, if it's a fairy story you want, here's a good one that arrived at the office today."

"No, I don't think you 'new break shoes', I think you need new break feet. You are supposed to depress the brake pedal you know."

'I told you that parrot didn't know how to navigate.'

"Look, previous, your video got 954 likes this morning!"

"I feel like my emotional baggage is permanently stuck on the luggage carousel."

"Now, is this the kind of painting you mommy would be proud to post on her Instagram?"

'You know, it isn't the mother's texting while delivering that bothers, it's those damn selfies they upload to Facebook.

After this embarrassing incident, the woman who lived in a shoe finally checked herself into odor-eaters anonymous.

"Are you sure? It doesn't look like a diet pill!"

"'Kchow! Kchow! The roscoe spoke twice, and Mike dodged behind a-' Hang on, wrong book."

'What do you mean, our marriage license has expired?'

Sponge Blog

'Wow! Where'd you come from?'

"Slow down. This stuff is gold, I’m tellin’ ya! Gold!"

'I traded a motherboard for three DVD's. They were bogus, so I tossed them out the window....'

"At least she got it to squeak when she tripped over it."

'This photo is hardly suitable for your misery memoir.'

'Gloria, what do I have to do to share a fascinating online article about the surprising ways to use watermelon?'

'...so then I said 'your camera is stealing my soul' and he said 'I'm so sorry - how can I possibly repay you?''

'Normally I don't mind regifting but on occasion you get back the same hideous thing you tried to get rid of.'

'Ferguson's not at his desk -- He must be sleepwalking again!'

If Dogs Made Perfume

'Can we postpone this? I'm out of lighter fluid.'

"Well, do you have proof it wasn't bigfoot?