Funny Story Sharer Gifts

"No! How would it look if I listed a CAT as a friend on my social media page?"

"Bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark"

" 'How I Spent My Summer Vacation,' a treatment by Todd Mozelle, Grade Three."

That lovely summer day, Little Red Riding Hood decided to deviate from the script.

"You wake up after 100 years and the first thing you do is check your phone?"

"And then, suddenly, it was 3 P.M., and she hadn't really got anything done."

'It doesn't say what she had for dessert on Thanksgiving. It just says she made a coach out of her pumpkin.'

Wanna talk about it?

"Well, if it's a fairy story you want, here's a good one that arrived at the office today."

"Congratulations! It's a boy! Quickly nurse! Get her phone and upload a picture to facebook!"

"No, I don't think you 'new break shoes', I think you need new break feet. You are supposed to depress the brake pedal you know."

'Mom, can't we stop to look at the Grand Canyon?'

'I told you that parrot didn't know how to navigate.'

'You know, it isn't the mother's texting while delivering that bothers, it's those damn selfies they upload to Facebook.

"Look, previous, your video got 954 likes this morning!"

"Now, is this the kind of painting you mommy would be proud to post on her Instagram?"

After this embarrassing incident, the woman who lived in a shoe finally checked herself into odor-eaters anonymous.

"Are you sure? It doesn't look like a diet pill!"

"I feel like my emotional baggage is permanently stuck on the luggage carousel."

"'Kchow! Kchow! The roscoe spoke twice, and Mike dodged behind a-' Hang on, wrong book."

'What do you mean, our marriage license has expired?'

Sponge Blog

'Wow! Where'd you come from?'

'I traded a motherboard for three DVD's. They were bogus, so I tossed them out the window....'

"At least she got it to squeak when she tripped over it."

"We'd like somewhere off the beaten track but Instagram friendly."

'This photo is hardly suitable for your misery memoir.'

Due to higher-than-usual caller volume, your wait-time is nine minutes. That's over an hour in wolverine minutes.

"Slow down. This stuff is gold, I’m tellin’ ya! Gold!"

'Gloria, what do I have to do to share a fascinating online article about the surprising ways to use watermelon?'

'...so then I said 'your camera is stealing my soul' and he said 'I'm so sorry - how can I possibly repay you?''

"Well, do you have proof it wasn't bigfoot?

'Normally I don't mind regifting but on occasion you get back the same hideous thing you tried to get rid of.'

'Can we postpone this? I'm out of lighter fluid.'

'Ferguson's not at his desk -- He must be sleepwalking again!'