Storybook Sharer Pillows

'It doesn't say what she had for dessert on Thanksgiving. It just says she made a coach out of her pumpkin.'

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

'Peter the Flying Hippo is my favorite storybook character without any merchandising tie-ins.'

Late night teddy reading

The Runaway Horse

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

Bookworm Sleepover

Papageno from The Magic Flute

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

Fairy Library - Frontispiece to Jack and the Beanstalk

"My, grandma, what a big nose you have! Let's take a little off the sides."

Need a Qualified Adult for Pooh Sticks

"Where the wild things were."

"Ever since you changed from a frog to a Prince you seem a little jumpy!"

Beware of the crafty Kia bird of New Zealand.

"One side is for depression, the other is for anxiety, and if you're still confused make an appointment with the cat."

Alice in Wonderland: The Queen Turns into a Pack of Cards.

"That's her - that's the girl who broke into our house! But her hair was 'goldier'."

"... And this one needs a shot of vodka."

The Shed Mystery: 'Ah! There you are! Ok, that's enough...time to go ho...uh...wait...what the...?'

Old Lady in shoe driving a footie (sock) car.

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

Treasure Island Book.

"Damn! I'm in the wrong fairy tale. This is the three little pig's house, not the three bear's!"

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

"It's a cow thing. You wouldn't understand."

Alice in Wonderland-Hare and Hatter putting Dormouse in Teapot

"The doctor will be with you two in a second. As for you, I'd recommend a motivational speaker."

Knights of the bedside table.