Stand-up Anecdote Sharer Pillows

How to tell that it's Howie Mandel's dog you're dealing with.

Stand-up Romcom

The only time cats are known to laugh.

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

"Get off the stage and get a copy of 'Studies of Laughter in Interaction'—I think you'll enjoy it."

It is believed dear Jack finally figured out women. Trouble is, he died laughing before he could tell anybody.

Never pick a fight with a comedian.

'Those are a few jokes to loosen up the crowd first...how do you like 'em?'

"You've tested positive for being awesome. Just kidding - it was negative."

Wanna talk about it?

"There will be a Q&A...but in this era of Trump I will be insulting anyone whose questions I don't like."

Comedian faces audience of clowns: 'Ooh, tough crowd.'

'Silly me. I thought his 'Catch and Release' bumper sticker referred to his philosophy on trout fishing.'

'You know things are screwed up when people take late-night comedians seriously and politicians as a joke.'

"Trust me, you don't want this job."

"I'll now take some rambling, nonsensical statements from the audience."

"I don't mind emotional trauma if I can turn it into a really funny anecdote."

Bob Monkhouse

"My great-uncle Octavio always wore his hat in the house. That way, if bad company knocked on the door, he could say he was just leaving."

'Prolonged sitting leads to death? What's up with that?'

Stand Up Bush

"I've been window-shopping..."

"I feel like my emotional baggage is permanently stuck on the luggage carousel."

'And the winner of the 'biggest loser in love' category is...'

Jack in the Box Reading Joke Book.

"They must be planning to do a real number on us. It looks like they've brought along an accountant."

"Any kids here tonight? Oh, wait... I guess not...since I didn't see any on the menu."

Newton discovers surrealism

"Where are all the hecklers? I have some great rejoinders."

Lore and legend of the Pennypackers

"Slow down. This stuff is gold, I’m tellin’ ya! Gold!"

'Bearnaise sauce again,' he cried. 'I can't bear the thought of it!'

'But seriously, folks... Who knows how many blondes it takes to screw in my latest invention?'

Chicken comedians.

'His dad was a standup. He's a quip off the old block.'