Joining A Diet Club Gifts

'Hello Judith, how is your diet going...'

"I've put on a few ounces, but it's mostly paperweight."

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

'I gotta lose some weight.'

'Is your cabbage diet working darling?'

'The first thing you need to do is lose 40 pounds of that baby boomer fat.'

"This is Chance. When he first came here he was a fat Chance. Now he's a slim Chance."

Mouse on an Exercise Bike

'I think my diet is finally working. went form a large to an extra medium.'

'No, that doesn't make any difference either, Miss Jones.'

Full fatHalf fatVirtually fat free.

No, you don't need to be "gluten-free." I said "glutton-free"!

'It started with between-meal snacks -- now he's having between-snack noshes.'

The Penultimate Temptation of Christ

Chocolate never tasted as good as when I sneak a piece while dieting.

'What makes the Tower of Pisa lean?' 'It never eats.'

'Well, if I weigh that much after only putting one foot on, I don't think I have the courage to continue!'

'For gods sake get back, there's a triple chocolate fudge cake in there!'

'I envy your metabolism.'

"This can't be right. I was supposed to lose 20 lbs before my next annual exam - maybe I should postpone my appointment for ... another year."

'Well my lightest ever was 7lbs 4oz. . .'

The Fat-Free Mayo Clinic.

'I've got a problem.'

'Darling - look! I've dropped a gene size already.'

'Can you believe this? Now some food faddists want 'nectar-free' honey.'

'Two more strawberry creams and that's my ' five a day' taken care of....'

'None for me...I'm trying to eat healthy.'

'I always watch what I eat - right up until it disappears into my mouth.'

HEALTH CLUB, 'It's just a bunch of guys sitting around eating breakfast cereal.'

Obesity problems in the UK.

"I need to lay off those seven birthday cakes a year."

"THIS YEAR I'M GOING TO GET IN SHAPE."

'Fred, don't you think it's time you went on a diet?'

'To help me stay on my diet, I've hired a portion control officer.'