Diet Struggle Club Gifts

How much did you lose on your 14 day diet?

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

Any time is cake o'clock

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

"I've put on a few ounces, but it's mostly paperweight."

"Statins. I got statins. Who needs statins?"

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

'Ahh...now there's a man who understands women.'

"I'm a monster."

'You put him on a diet, so he put you on a diet.'

'If God had wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them closer to my hands!'

"Why are we eating all this fattening stuff? Pier pressure."

The nutritional devils and angels on your shoulder.

'I see you're hacking the fridge again.'

'Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun.'

"I think the problem is that you're not eating properly..."

'Headmaster I'd like to report Biggins and Small who were caught this morning consuming trans-fats behind the bicycle shed.'

'The good news is you don't have to worry about cholesterol, carbs, or trans fat.'

Attempting to eat your own bodyweight in cake can act as a mood enhancer.

What can I get you? Ham sandwich with extra cheese. Double banana split. Side of sugar. Coming up, sir. I am abandoning my New Year's diet! If you're gonna go down, go down in flames. Burn these gym clothes!

'I always shop here. They don't sell low fat ice cream so the guilt is gone.'

'I've decided to give up giving up!'

'I'm on the workaholic's diet. I only eat when I can put it on an expense account.'

"Touch that and you're a dead man."

Dieting is for losers.

'What makes the Tower of Pisa lean?' 'It never eats.'

'It's the half-empty bag of cookies from the back of the pantry. Should I tell them you'll call back?'

'Well my lightest ever was 7lbs 4oz. . .'

"If you're as smart a refrigerator as they say you are, you'll keep your mouth shut about this."

The cake diet.

"I was just... uh... looking for the low-fat yogurt."

Diet Enforcer

The proud husband who's wife just lost thirty-five pounds: 'This is my wife Sandra, Greatly reduced.'

"I just thought maybe we should consider letting ourselves go now instead of waiting a few years into our marriage."

We're never going to lose weight if we don't get rid of the fridge light.