Job Seekers' Delights Gifts

I haven't been hired yet.

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

"We were looking for somebody with experience in mumbo-jumbo but your resume is mainly about gobbledegook."

Danae's Celebrity Career: 'Don't you know who I am?...I've decided to pursue a career as a celebrity, so I'm developing the basic language skills used in the industry.'

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

What do you think of the application so far?

'...we are looking for someone with great interpersonal communication skills.'

"We do price loyalty, but we were also rather hoping for a candidate who could read right and walk on two legs."

"I'm afraid the only thing we have in your line of work at the moment is a bingo caller in Milton Keynes."

'Why do you want a career in the bank?'

'So far, so good -- I got a second interview!'

'Do you have any other references besides your mom and Santa Claus?'

'We need someone to walk the plants.'

'How long have you been out of work? I've never seen a resume prepared in needlepoint.'

"Get another job? I can't! My breed can only be faithful to one master in a lifetime!"

"Naps. Do you have anything in naps?"

Graduate Job Openings

"This job involves travel? Let me call my parole officer and OK it with him."

'I love your 'never-say-never' attitude, but we never hired you.'

'I'm looking over your resum?, there is one opening we have for you.'

'I looked at your resume and the good news is I like the paper it was typed on. Do you really want to know the bad news?'

What sort of job are you after?

'Well, that's a new one on me -- a 'bachelor's degree lite'?'

Man to run supermarket (out of town)

"Yours is a most impressive résumé, and you've scented it with beef."

"Well, I made you a job offer and you accepted. I guess the only thing left is for me to read you your Miranda rights."

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'I didn't bring a resume.. I brought coffee and donuts!'

'It says here on your application that you were fired from your receptionist position for refusing to answer phones...well, thanks for applying! Bye now!'

"What quality do you have, that will make us hire you as our new telephone support employee?"

We're actually looking for someone who just wants to get out of the house.

"I see you did a swashbuckling internship with Blackbeard. Impressive."

'I looked over your resume, and the good news is I like the paper it's typed on. Do you really want to know the bad news?'

"We're looking for someone exactly like you."