Job Seekers' Delights T-Shirts

I haven't been hired yet.

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

Danae's Celebrity Career: 'Don't you know who I am?...I've decided to pursue a career as a celebrity, so I'm developing the basic language skills used in the industry.'

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

"We were looking for somebody with experience in mumbo-jumbo but your resume is mainly about gobbledegook."

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

What do you think of the application so far?

'...we are looking for someone with great interpersonal communication skills.'

"We do price loyalty, but we were also rather hoping for a candidate who could read right and walk on two legs."

"I'm afraid the only thing we have in your line of work at the moment is a bingo caller in Milton Keynes."

'So far, so good -- I got a second interview!'

'Why do you want a career in the bank?'

'Do you have any other references besides your mom and Santa Claus?'

'How long have you been out of work? I've never seen a resume prepared in needlepoint.'

"Get another job? I can't! My breed can only be faithful to one master in a lifetime!"

'We need someone to walk the plants.'

Graduate Job Openings

"Naps. Do you have anything in naps?"

'I love your 'never-say-never' attitude, but we never hired you.'

'I'm looking over your resum?, there is one opening we have for you.'

'I looked at your resume and the good news is I like the paper it was typed on. Do you really want to know the bad news?'

What sort of job are you after?

"Well, I made you a job offer and you accepted. I guess the only thing left is for me to read you your Miranda rights."

"What quality do you have, that will make us hire you as our new telephone support employee?"

"Yours is a most impressive résumé, and you've scented it with beef."

'Well, that's a new one on me -- a 'bachelor's degree lite'?'

Man to run supermarket (out of town)

'It says here on your application that you were fired from your receptionist position for refusing to answer phones...well, thanks for applying! Bye now!'

'I didn't bring a resume.. I brought coffee and donuts!'

"I see you did a swashbuckling internship with Blackbeard. Impressive."

We're actually looking for someone who just wants to get out of the house.

"We're looking for someone exactly like you."

'I looked over your resume, and the good news is I like the paper it's typed on. Do you really want to know the bad news?'

'And what sentence do you see yourself serving in five years?'