Hopeful Job Hunters T-Shirts

'For marital status, I put down horrible. It should improve if I get the job.'

A very young man being hired as a groom.

"We offer 104 vacation days...otherwise known as weekends."

"What we're looking for is someone who think outside the box?"

'Yes I'm sure we can find an opening for you, Mr Smith!'

"Are you willing to work the night shift?"

'Your resume seems in order, Mr. Lupo, but would you explain exactly why you want to work here> Mr. Lupo...?

'What I lack in cognitive flexibility, I make up for in moral flexibility.'

Ace headhunters.

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package ??" major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

'We want you to take the hindmost.'

"These are excellent qualifications... so good that our largest competitor would gladly pay you twice as much."

Over enthusiastic headhunter

"Nice touch." - Resume playing music.

'Was my salary expectation a bit too high?'

'Are all of these letters of recommendation from your mother?'

"According to your resume, you've done nothing of any real significance since inventing the wheel."

'We can't find a pond small enough where you'd be a big fish.'

"Can I put in a claim for interview trauma compensation?"

'What about the rolls you promised me?'

"And, of course, if I were to get the job and start feeling comfortable here I'd no longer need the security blanket."

"References? Well, I just got six references from the guys in your waiting room."

"I didn't get a job at the job fair, but I got a blue ribbon for best resume."

"Your accomplishments speak for themselves. Unfortunately for you, I'm completely fluent in exaggeration."

"Tell us something we don't know."

'The Dow finally hit 10,000. Guess happy days are here again.'

'University of Xylongatnyefxodyl - never heard of it!'

"Looks like you're quite the wheeler and dealer... unfortunately we're only hiring movers and shakers."

'I'm sorry, but we're looking for a seasoned veteran.'

'This job will entail some traveling...most likely Pango Pango where you'll live, eat berries and answer the phone.'