Hopeful Job Hunters Pillows

'For marital status, I put down horrible. It should improve if I get the job.'

A very young man being hired as a groom.

"We offer 104 vacation days...otherwise known as weekends."

'Yes I'm sure we can find an opening for you, Mr Smith!'

"What we're looking for is someone who think outside the box?"

"Are you willing to work the night shift?"

'Your resume seems in order, Mr. Lupo, but would you explain exactly why you want to work here> Mr. Lupo...?

'What I lack in cognitive flexibility, I make up for in moral flexibility.'

Ace headhunters.

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package ??" major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

'We want you to take the hindmost.'

"These are excellent qualifications... so good that our largest competitor would gladly pay you twice as much."

The first case of resume padding.

Resume Dumpers

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

Over enthusiastic headhunter

'Was my salary expectation a bit too high?'

"Nice touch." - Resume playing music.

"According to your resume, you've done nothing of any real significance since inventing the wheel."

'Are all of these letters of recommendation from your mother?'

Now hiring.

'We can't find a pond small enough where you'd be a big fish.'

"Can I put in a claim for interview trauma compensation?"

"And, of course, if I were to get the job and start feeling comfortable here I'd no longer need the security blanket."

Multi-Species Employment Agency. Did you hire the octopus for that job opening? Yeah, but I did interview other applicants. The frog was a strong candidate. I'm flexible on location - I'm an amphibian! The whale seemed to be hiding something. The gap in my resume? Uh ... I was beached for a while. And the pig wasn't smart. I see "USDA Approved" on your resume. I don't think you understand what that mwans. The octopus got the job because he's a great multitasker!

'What about the rolls you promised me?'

"I didn't get a job at the job fair, but I got a blue ribbon for best resume."

"References? Well, I just got six references from the guys in your waiting room."

"Your accomplishments speak for themselves. Unfortunately for you, I'm completely fluent in exaggeration."

'University of Xylongatnyefxodyl - never heard of it!'

'The Dow finally hit 10,000. Guess happy days are here again.'

"Tell us something we don't know."

'I'm sorry, but we're looking for a seasoned veteran.'

"Looks like you're quite the wheeler and dealer... unfortunately we're only hiring movers and shakers."