Job Seeker's Delight T-Shirts

Now Hiring - No Experience Necessary.

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

"Are you willing to work the night shift?"

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

"We were looking for somebody with experience in mumbo-jumbo but your resume is mainly about gobbledegook."

'Are you picky about preferring something with a livable wage?'

Over enthusiastic headhunter

Now hiring.

What do you think of the application so far?

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

'We can't find a pond small enough where you'd be a big fish.'

'...we are looking for someone with great interpersonal communication skills.'

"We do price loyalty, but we were also rather hoping for a candidate who could read right and walk on two legs."

'Staff Recommendations Inc.'

Multi-Species Employment Agency. Did you hire the octopus for that job opening? Yeah, but I did interview other applicants. The frog was a strong candidate. I'm flexible on location - I'm an amphibian! The whale seemed to be hiding something. The gap in my resume? Uh ... I was beached for a while. And the pig wasn't smart. I see "USDA Approved" on your resume. I don't think you understand what that mwans. The octopus got the job because he's a great multitasker!

"Tell us something we don't know."

'The Dow finally hit 10,000. Guess happy days are here again.'

'Why do you want a career in the bank?'

'So far, so good -- I got a second interview!'

'Do you have any other references besides your mom and Santa Claus?'

'I'm willing to pay a hiring bonus to anyone who will hire me.'

"I may have exaggerated a bit about coming up with a cure for cancer."

'I'm a monarch, but I still pad my resume.'

"Get another job? I can't! My breed can only be faithful to one master in a lifetime!"

"On your resume, under Achievements, what do you mean by 'inspired by actual events'?"

'We need someone to walk the plants.'

Lying on your CV

'How long have you been out of work? I've never seen a resume prepared in needlepoint.'

Graduate Job Openings

"Naps. Do you have anything in naps?"

'The good news is that I'm prepared to offer you a six figure annual salary. The bad news is that it includes the decimal.'

'I love your 'never-say-never' attitude, but we never hired you.'

'I like you, Zog, what you lack in polish, you more than compensate for in clout.'

'With animal welfare reform, I'm having to apply for a job.'