Job Seeker's Delight Gifts

Now Hiring - No Experience Necessary.

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

"Are you willing to work the night shift?"

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

"We were looking for somebody with experience in mumbo-jumbo but your resume is mainly about gobbledegook."

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

'Are you picky about preferring something with a livable wage?'

Over enthusiastic headhunter

What do you think of the application so far?

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

'We can't find a pond small enough where you'd be a big fish.'

'...we are looking for someone with great interpersonal communication skills.'

"We do price loyalty, but we were also rather hoping for a candidate who could read right and walk on two legs."

'Staff Recommendations Inc.'

"Tell us something we don't know."

'The Dow finally hit 10,000. Guess happy days are here again.'

'So far, so good -- I got a second interview!'

'Why do you want a career in the bank?'

'Do you have any other references besides your mom and Santa Claus?'

'I'm willing to pay a hiring bonus to anyone who will hire me.'

"Get another job? I can't! My breed can only be faithful to one master in a lifetime!"

'How long have you been out of work? I've never seen a resume prepared in needlepoint.'

'I'm a monarch, but I still pad my resume.'

Lying on your CV

"On your resume, under Achievements, what do you mean by 'inspired by actual events'?"

'We need someone to walk the plants.'

"I may have exaggerated a bit about coming up with a cure for cancer."

Graduate Job Openings

"Naps. Do you have anything in naps?"

'I'm looking over your resum?, there is one opening we have for you.'

'I love your 'never-say-never' attitude, but we never hired you.'

'With animal welfare reform, I'm having to apply for a job.'

'The good news is that I'm prepared to offer you a six figure annual salary. The bad news is that it includes the decimal.'