Job Seekers In Style T-Shirts

'How long have you been out of work? I've never seen a resume prepared in needlepoint.'

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

"The little engine that could... after taking advantage of family connections, a trust fund, working two years for free as an intern, and finally getting hired as an independent contractor."

"We offer 104 vacation days...otherwise known as weekends."

"What we're looking for is someone who think outside the box?"

'Yes I'm sure we can find an opening for you, Mr Smith!'

'Your resume seems in order, Mr. Lupo, but would you explain exactly why you want to work here> Mr. Lupo...?

'What I lack in cognitive flexibility, I make up for in moral flexibility.'

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package ??" major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

Ace headhunters.

'We want you to take the hindmost.'

"These are excellent qualifications... so good that our largest competitor would gladly pay you twice as much."

The first case of resume padding.

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

"We were looking for somebody with experience in mumbo-jumbo but your resume is mainly about gobbledegook."

"Nice touch." - Resume playing music.

"Actually, the job calls for someone who is convex."

"According to your resume, you've done nothing of any real significance since inventing the wheel."

'Are all of these letters of recommendation from your mother?'

"I've never seen a resume that's entirely made up of emojis. Let me take a few moments to decode it."

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

"Can I put in a claim for interview trauma compensation?"

'...we are looking for someone with great interpersonal communication skills.'

"We do price loyalty, but we were also rather hoping for a candidate who could read right and walk on two legs."

'Botox.'

'My resume,...in rap form!'

"And, of course, if I were to get the job and start feeling comfortable here I'd no longer need the security blanket."

"I didn't get a job at the job fair, but I got a blue ribbon for best resume."

"References? Well, I just got six references from the guys in your waiting room."

"Your accomplishments speak for themselves. Unfortunately for you, I'm completely fluent in exaggeration."

'I'm sorry, but we're looking for a seasoned veteran.'

'So far, so good -- I got a second interview!'

'This job will entail some traveling...most likely Pango Pango where you'll live, eat berries and answer the phone.'

"Looks like you're quite the wheeler and dealer... unfortunately we're only hiring movers and shakers."

Redployment of Resources