Job Seeker Junior Gifts

'I'm sure that you are highly qualified. It's just that we're not hiring anyone at the third grade level.'

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

"He might not have got the job with Google, but they weren't going to stop Brian skateboarding to the office."

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'Now then - I just wanted to see how you handle pressure, Mr. Boyle.'

How are you at decision making?

A very young man being hired as a groom.

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

'A depressing thought just came over me. Now we'll have to go out and get a job!'

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

"I love you in a suit. You look so... employed."

'Curious how all four previous employers spelt 'exceptional' with just an 'x'.'

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

"The company is very keen on diversity, could you reapply as a woman?"

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

'I'm also fluent in Geek.'

"Don't get the wrong idea about those years in a mental institution. I was employed there."

Do you have any other skills?

'Excellent!...We've been looking to hire someone who can think outside the box.'

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

You're next, Mr. Kimble - right after his apple danish.

"I don't like your application."

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

"Bob doesn't do well in job interviews, so he hired me. I'm a professional actor who specializes in these situations."

Between Offices

'A short economics test - if you bought something for