Job Seeker Jubilee Gifts

Very interesting resume. Too bad it isn't yours.

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

"He might not have got the job with Google, but they weren't going to stop Brian skateboarding to the office."

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'You'll have to take an online company aptitude test, but if you're the designer we're looking for, you've already designed an app for that.'

'A depressing thought just came over me. Now we'll have to go out and get a job!'

"Basically, your new job here at the Treasury Department implementing the bailout is simple, Grayson, just grab and armful of money and run..."

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

How are you at decision making?

"I love you in a suit. You look so... employed."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

"Don't get the wrong idea about those years in a mental institution. I was employed there."

Do you have any other skills?

In and Out Sourced.

'Do you do self-deprecating humour?'

"I'd like to TikTok your offer and get comments before saying yes or no."

You're next, Mr. Kimble - right after his apple danish.

'A short economics test - if you bought something for

"I don't like your application."

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

Between Offices

"In addition to 'loyalty' are there any OTHER qualities you think you could bring to the job?"

'Someone important is bound to see my resume now!'

"We offer 104 vacation days...otherwise known as weekends."

'Now, remember...let me do the talking.'

"Can I multi-task? As a single mom I'm both the bread-winner and bread-baker!"

"Sorry, we don't hire people with a history of whistle blowing."

"Your CV will be sufficient, Mr. Cooper."