Job Security Jammer Gifts

No-one ever leaves Goldman Sachs voluntarily

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

37 years in the same position.

"Well, that's the only song we know, so we can play it another two or three times, or we can cut our losses. Waddya say, Cleveland?"

Boptimism

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

Women's Martial Arts Center

Toothless Rocker, "Oi, play the guitar with your own teeth !"

"First the good news - one of us hasn't been made redundant."

Jeff Beck.

Get Well Soon and Hurry Back to the Office. . . Before Sharks Eat Your Job

"My boss had security escort me out of the office today. I'm worried this means I won't be getting a bonus."

"How have you managed to keep your job?"

'You're resigning? What great timing! I was going to lay you off friday!'

"A wage increase to match inflation."

"People, the facts are inescapable. Any ideas on how we can ignore them?"

Bonita shows up late for the girls' Thursday night 'Jam Session'.

'Of course I'd never fire you, Nelson. You've been working here for such a long time, you've become part of the furmiture!'

'To show you I'm not all bad, I won't be letting you go until after 'Bring Your Child To Work Day'.'

'I'm fired, am I -- What's that supposed to mean?'

Worker Rights and the Smoking Ban

'Following your 'barbecue summer' forecast, I'm revising predictions of your contract being reviewed.'

'You've been with the company for 20 years Harvey, you make an excellent wage, get 4 weeks paid vacation... I'm going to have to let you go.'

'Times are tough, Smith, but I don't want to lay you off. So, to keep you working, I want you to wash our building. That should keep you busy for the next decade.'

"Ruddy AI. Bad enough to be replaced by a computer, never mind a COFFEE MAKER."

"Now I don't want to alarm you, but are you familiar with the term 'On the scrapheap'!"

I don't like the looks of this.

"Grunzman, I really appreciate you. I appreciate you to work somewhere else."

'Our retirement program is that you can resign whenever you want to.'

Redundancies

'We think a lot alike - and that threatens my uniqueness to this company.'

"Dude, I figured out why your solos sound so bad - that thing's actually a bass."

'I discovered just as much work gets done when you're not there.'