Job Retraining Gifts

"I don't think delivering food is for me. It's always cold by the time I get there."

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

'Do you think he's ready for the big round-up?'

Danger Slow Sand.

'Don't bother cleaning out your desk. We'll be hiring you back as a consultant for half the salary and no benefits.'

"You must be the newly qualified driver."

"You haven't been laid off because you're the designated scapegoat."

"Try not to think of them just as a 'customer' but rather as your only chance of paying your mortgage and putting food on your plate."

"My assistant will show you the ropes."

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package ??" major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

Job Safety - Pumpkin.

"There's always a period of adjustment whenever you hire a new crew."

"Now the first thing you have to do is to get a client's attention."

'Your training will be the next five minutes watching my fingers move at the speed of light.'

'Well, that does not yet look like a wall. Try it again, Liam!'

"You know, turning a hobby into a job kinda takes all the fun out of it."

"And if you don't know what to say, just say, 'Ho, ho, ho!''

"Bob put a chair with wheels on the table and climbed up to change a light bulb. Then the chair rolled away, Bob fell and... well, I guess we need a new industrial safety specialist."

Would you run through that again? On. Off.

"The good news is that I'm still here after the boss cut our department by 33 percent."

"Take it. It's the dress code."

"In principle we're happy with the trust idea...as long as it's properly monitored and regulated!"

"The Sales Department suggests we teach Customer Service personnel how to assist customers without telling them where to go."

"The company is in deep water? Why do you think so?"

"You cleaned out your desk so efficiently you've been rehired and placed in charge of Housekeeping."

"Could you just make it a little awkward for a few weeks?"

"This way, O' Brien."

'I can remember when you only had to worry about delivering good sermons.'

'Dean, for you, the stress management seminar is not, I repeat, not optional.'

'We're reducing office space, Trubshaw. You're under 'T' below.'

"We want safe spaces away from inappropriate comments about builder's bum."

Sexual Harassment

The Joys of Retraining

'He's the only one that wasn't let go due to the bad economy and now he has survivor guilt!'