Job Transformation Gifts

"You know, turning a hobby into a job kinda takes all the fun out of it."

"Miracles happen, gentlemen, but they don't come cheap."

'Our parents were replaced by machines - We'll be replaced with new software.'

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

Work Parfait

Royal Mail boss to become ITV boss.

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

'They sold the company in 2001? I was wondering why things were slow.'

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

'I'm promoting you to project coordinator because you seem to have an overall view of things.'

'It's a lateral move, you'll now be getting all of Kramer's work too.'

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

'Believe me, I know transformation isn't easy. I pulled a muscle once.'

'Upset at you for breaching the non-compete? Of course not.'

'The shareholders have voted you off the board. We don't feel you're tough enough. On the bright side, you've won this year's Miss Congeniality award.'

'I had a thought. Let's scrap everything and start a new fiscal year right now.'

'Do you want to tell them their department is being downsized again, or should I?'

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

'A computer is only as good as the people who are employed to replace the people who were made redundant by the computer.'

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

"Actually, it's more like a mouse race."

The number one injury in today's workplace: severe bends caused by repeated exposure to deep-dive presentations.

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

"Tell the vice presidents they've downsized enough."

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

'Perkins, we're getting rid of some of the dead wood around here.'

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

"Ron didn't realise he was so popular."

Businessman sees door sign 'Department of Mismanagement and Overbudget'.

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.