Corporate Job Transition Gifts

"Actually, it's more like a mouse race."

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

"Miracles happen, gentlemen, but they don't come cheap."

Others will fight for you

'Manager. . . Commander. . . Chieftain. . . King!'

'Our parents were replaced by machines - We'll be replaced with new software.'

"I figure if I was still employed, I wouldn’t get to spend all this time with you!"

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

Work/Life Balance

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

Work Parfait

'I clawed my way to the top and then I clawed my way back to the middle.'

Royal Mail boss to become ITV boss.

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

"We're looking for that perfect blend of vision, ambition and ethical ambiguity."

'They sold the company in 2001? I was wondering why things were slow.'

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

'I'm promoting you to project coordinator because you seem to have an overall view of things.'

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

"I'm sorry, but we're looking for someone who's more likely to be followed than following."

'There they go - off on their own - and a finer bunch of fledgelings one couldn't ask.'

Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tick, tock-tock, tickety-tick tock ….

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

'It's a lateral move, you'll now be getting all of Kramer's work too.'

'Upset at you for breaching the non-compete? Of course not.'

'The shareholders have voted you off the board. We don't feel you're tough enough. On the bright side, you've won this year's Miss Congeniality award.'

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

'Do you want to tell them their department is being downsized again, or should I?'

'I had a thought. Let's scrap everything and start a new fiscal year right now.'

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

'A computer is only as good as the people who are employed to replace the people who were made redundant by the computer.'