Job Qualifications Ninja Pillows

"I see from your resume you have a black belt in accountancy."

Whats ticking away in YOUR filing system?

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

"Hi-yah!"

"Remember Mr. Cockbundle is not just a 'customer', he is an important source of valuable and readily marketable data."

"Everyone seek higher ground! The paperwork is rising to a dangerous level."

"Turtling: When a child's backpack exceeds his weight"

There now, that wasn't too difficult was it!

Good Luck!

"I've heard of being organized, but isn't this a little obsessive compulsive?"

"Your answers sound rehearsed."

'Send in the next applicant Ms Jones.'

"I'm trying to find a way to balance your strengths against your felonies."

"Please excuse the mess. We had a major paradigm shift."

'This test will determinbe which of you gets the position. Who wants to jump first?'

'Oh, and if you really want this job, there's one thing you shouldn't mention.'

"This position requires someone with a thick skin... Well, do you think you're up to the job, big nose?"

'I know I can train them to be thoughtful productive citizens if I can ever get past sit.'

"Mr. Kennings was going to interview you for the job, until he heard you actually wanted to get paid."

"I've got three michelin stars, two for cookery and one for turning up to the interview!"

'My tutor kindly agreed to help!'

"Ohhh... He's out all right!"

Accountancy

Work Du Soleil

I don't consider it "multitasking" when you have to do the same task over and over to get it right!

'No, I won't show you where the self-help books are!'

"Since you applied here your tech skills have become obsolete."

"I'm afraid your test results aren't good. For a start, the capital of Rwanda is Kigali and you put Nairobi."

"I am a ninja rabbit. I am stealth personified. I am one of the unseen. I am now invisible...Darn."

"So why do you feel that you're a better person for the job than every other candidate who's shown me résumés with the exact same credentials?"

Desk trays: In House and Outsource.

'This resume looks familiar. Were we once married to each other?'

"Once we corroborate your impressive resume with your social media persona, we'll get in touch."

'Your leaving certificate is a joke, your resume is ridiculous and your reputation scares me. You can start on Monday.'

'I'm always concerned about the well-being of my employees. So, how do you feel about being an interchangeable chess piece, with no rights, who is absolutely at my mercy?'