Job Offer Obsessive Gifts

'Let me get this straight: The job comes with a full health care package? Including a dental plan? Impressive! What kind of salary are we talking?'

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

Caged Businessman

'Why do you want a career in the bank?'

'I told you hard work would pay off in the third grade, Cate...You've had three job offers.'

"That's the last time I write my own resume!"

"It raises trust issues, Mr. Kranse, when your very first question is 'what's the catch?'."

'I think and work spectacularly well either inside or outside the box.'

"These are excellent qualifications... so good that our largest competitor would gladly pay you twice as much."

"To be clear you are willing to labor under misconceptions?"

"Would you like something you're under qualified for, or something you're overqualified for?"

'You're hired as far as I'm concerned Edwin! And look at these guys?...They seem to really like you!...You're a natural!'

"I know you used to be our paperboy. That's why when you leave, you'll find your resume on the roof."

'...the job is so much harder when you don't know what you are doing.'

Something tells me his current firm aren't going to be happy to let him go!

Thanks, I'd like to accept the job, but what is the salary? Sorry, it's against company policy to disclose that!

"We got him through a firm of headhunters"

"...and before that, I was an embryo."

'I received matching offers.'

'This new role will involve some extra responsibilities...of course you'll appreciate that there won't be any extra funding...it's a role for which you are uniquely qualified!'

'I see you worked here seven years ago. Don't you have a better reference than that?'

'The candidate must be decisive and independently minded.' - 'Would I describe myself as 'decisive and independently minded'?' - 'Would you describe me as 'decisive and independently minded'?'

Branch Manager Interviews: "Who's next?"

'This test will determinbe which of you gets the position. Who wants to jump first?'

"That was a good interview. Do you have any other questions about this company?"

'I do my best work when I'm being paid a huge salary.'

"Hire him. You can't teach shadows like that."

'Do you have an appointment?'

"I just Googled you and found out your resume is fake!"

'I'm getting the shrimp - it sounds really yummy!'

Washington Crossing the Delaware, Having Been Invited to Join the Faculty at Princeton

'You've impressed the interview panel, but our handwriting analyst has determined that you're insane.'

'And this war game comes with an AK 47.'

'W e e e l l . . . my mum says I'm good at testing the patience of saints'