Job Offer Obsessive Pillows

'Let me get this straight: The job comes with a full health care package? Including a dental plan? Impressive! What kind of salary are we talking?'

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

"I'd like to TikTok your offer and get comments before saying yes or no."

Caged Businessman

'Why do you want a career in the bank?'

'I told you hard work would pay off in the third grade, Cate...You've had three job offers.'

"That's the last time I write my own resume!"

"It raises trust issues, Mr. Kranse, when your very first question is 'what's the catch?'."

'I think and work spectacularly well either inside or outside the box.'

"Would you like something you're under qualified for, or something you're overqualified for?"

"These are excellent qualifications... so good that our largest competitor would gladly pay you twice as much."

"To be clear you are willing to labor under misconceptions?"

'You're hired as far as I'm concerned Edwin! And look at these guys?...They seem to really like you!...You're a natural!'

"I know you used to be our paperboy. That's why when you leave, you'll find your resume on the roof."

'...the job is so much harder when you don't know what you are doing.'

Something tells me his current firm aren't going to be happy to let him go!

Thanks, I'd like to accept the job, but what is the salary? Sorry, it's against company policy to disclose that!

"We got him through a firm of headhunters"

"...and before that, I was an embryo."

'I see you worked here seven years ago. Don't you have a better reference than that?'

'I received matching offers.'

"I just Googled you and found out your resume is fake!"

'Do you have an appointment?'

'I'm getting the shrimp - it sounds really yummy!'

"That was a good interview. Do you have any other questions about this company?"

Branch Manager Interviews: "Who's next?"

'I do my best work when I'm being paid a huge salary.'

"Hire him. You can't teach shadows like that."

'This new role will involve some extra responsibilities...of course you'll appreciate that there won't be any extra funding...it's a role for which you are uniquely qualified!'

'This test will determinbe which of you gets the position. Who wants to jump first?'

'The candidate must be decisive and independently minded.' - 'Would I describe myself as 'decisive and independently minded'?' - 'Would you describe me as 'decisive and independently minded'?'

The job is yours if you want it – but, of course, I'd expect you to sleep on it a few dozen times before deciding.

Washington Crossing the Delaware, Having Been Invited to Join the Faculty at Princeton

'You've impressed the interview panel, but our handwriting analyst has determined that you're insane.'

"I told you they had a tough interview process here."