Job Hunting Procrastinator Gifts

"I've been looking for a job, but I haven't seen any yet."

'I have this fear of the real world...'

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"He's having a hard time finding work."

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

'Now then - I just wanted to see how you handle pressure, Mr. Boyle.'

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

Good Luck!

How are you at decision making?

'A depressing thought just came over me. Now we'll have to go out and get a job!'

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

"So what makes you think you're qualified for this job?"

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

'...we have every new employee spend time on our assembly line. Eight hours, no breaks.'

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

"Don't get the wrong idea about those years in a mental institution. I was employed there."

"I have a Bachelor's degree from Columbia, an MBA from Stanford, six years experience, and I'm a hell of a mouser."

'Think of this as a window of opportunity.'

JOIN THE BOY SCOUTS HERE!, ''Trustworthy, friendly, loyal, helpful, kind, courteous, brave, thrifty, obedient and cheerful' -- This is going to look GREAT on my resume!'

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

"This your resumé?" "Yes, it's a list of things I hope you never ask me to do."

"Yes, we do accept resumes online, but there's more to it than giving me your computer with your resume on it."

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

'If we get out of this alive, I'm going to have a darn good look at your resume.'

"Bob doesn't do well in job interviews, so he hired me. I'm a professional actor who specializes in these situations."

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

"I'm looking for something really dull and repetitive."

Caged Businessman

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."