Job Hunter's Friend Pillows

'I get out in sixty days -- I guess I better update my resume.'

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."

"Are you willing to work the night shift?"

'You're on the shortlist. It's between you and the bloke who's going to get the job.'

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

Help wanted!...Ace Software, Inc...Video Game Tournament...Top 5 players get hired!

"We were looking for somebody with experience in mumbo-jumbo but your resume is mainly about gobbledegook."

Over enthusiastic headhunter

'We can't find a pond small enough where you'd be a big fish.'

Now hiring.

'You'll be starting out at the bottom.'

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

'...we are looking for someone with great interpersonal communication skills.'

Multi-Species Employment Agency. Did you hire the octopus for that job opening? Yeah, but I did interview other applicants. The frog was a strong candidate. I'm flexible on location - I'm an amphibian! The whale seemed to be hiding something. The gap in my resume? Uh ... I was beached for a while. And the pig wasn't smart. I see "USDA Approved" on your resume. I don't think you understand what that mwans. The octopus got the job because he's a great multitasker!

"Still no offers - sometimes I think I'm the only one using this site."

'I hear you're looking for bounty hunters...'

'Oh, and if you really want this job, there's one thing you shouldn't mention.'

'What about the rolls you promised me?'

When staffing agencies screw up.

"We do price loyalty, but we were also rather hoping for a candidate who could read right and walk on two legs."

"Tell us something we don't know."

'The Dow finally hit 10,000. Guess happy days are here again.'

'University of Xylongatnyefxodyl - never heard of it!'

'So far, so good -- I got a second interview!'

'Do you have any other references besides your mom and Santa Claus?'

'The resume is handwritten because I am not very good with computers' - The LAST thing you should say in ANY job interview.

'I'm willing to pay a hiring bonus to anyone who will hire me.'

"It pains me to do this, but you're hired."

'One question before I take the job...is this a safe workplace?'

"I may have exaggerated a bit about coming up with a cure for cancer."

'I'm a monarch, but I still pad my resume.'