Job Hunter's Friend Gifts

'I get out in sixty days -- I guess I better update my resume.'

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."

"Are you willing to work the night shift?"

'You're on the shortlist. It's between you and the bloke who's going to get the job.'

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

"We were looking for somebody with experience in mumbo-jumbo but your resume is mainly about gobbledegook."

Help wanted!...Ace Software, Inc...Video Game Tournament...Top 5 players get hired!

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

Over enthusiastic headhunter

'You'll be starting out at the bottom.'

'We can't find a pond small enough where you'd be a big fish.'

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

'...we are looking for someone with great interpersonal communication skills.'

'Oh, and if you really want this job, there's one thing you shouldn't mention.'

"Still no offers - sometimes I think I'm the only one using this site."

When staffing agencies screw up.

'What about the rolls you promised me?'

"We do price loyalty, but we were also rather hoping for a candidate who could read right and walk on two legs."

'I hear you're looking for bounty hunters...'

"Tell us something we don't know."

'The Dow finally hit 10,000. Guess happy days are here again.'

'University of Xylongatnyefxodyl - never heard of it!'

'So far, so good -- I got a second interview!'

'Do you have any other references besides your mom and Santa Claus?'

'The resume is handwritten because I am not very good with computers' - The LAST thing you should say in ANY job interview.

'I'm willing to pay a hiring bonus to anyone who will hire me.'

"It pains me to do this, but you're hired."

Lying on your CV

'One question before I take the job...is this a safe workplace?'

"Get another job? I can't! My breed can only be faithful to one master in a lifetime!"

"I may have exaggerated a bit about coming up with a cure for cancer."