Job Hunter's Best Friend Gifts

'I'm just sorting through the latest job applications now.'

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."

"Are you willing to work the night shift?"

'You're on the shortlist. It's between you and the bloke who's going to get the job.'

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

Help wanted!...Ace Software, Inc...Video Game Tournament...Top 5 players get hired!

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

Over enthusiastic headhunter

'We can't find a pond small enough where you'd be a big fish.'

Now hiring.

'You'll be starting out at the bottom.'

"Still no offers - sometimes I think I'm the only one using this site."

Multi-Species Employment Agency. Did you hire the octopus for that job opening? Yeah, but I did interview other applicants. The frog was a strong candidate. I'm flexible on location - I'm an amphibian! The whale seemed to be hiding something. The gap in my resume? Uh ... I was beached for a while. And the pig wasn't smart. I see "USDA Approved" on your resume. I don't think you understand what that mwans. The octopus got the job because he's a great multitasker!

'I hear you're looking for bounty hunters...'

When staffing agencies screw up.

'Oh, and if you really want this job, there's one thing you shouldn't mention.'

"Your resume shows you have had numerous jobs and in all of them you were rather invisible."

'The Dow finally hit 10,000. Guess happy days are here again.'

"Tell us something we don't know."

'I'm willing to pay a hiring bonus to anyone who will hire me.'

"Once we corroborate your impressive resume with your social media persona, we'll get in touch."

"On your resume, under Achievements, what do you mean by 'inspired by actual events'?"

"Get another job? I can't! My breed can only be faithful to one master in a lifetime!"

"I may have exaggerated a bit about coming up with a cure for cancer."

Rudolph's after-Christmas job

Lying on your CV

'I'm a monarch, but I still pad my resume.'

'One question before I take the job...is this a safe workplace?'

"Very impressive. Leave it with me. Mommy will get back to you by the week."

'I like you, Zog, what you lack in polish, you more than compensate for in clout.'

"I need a new lease on life."

'Do we have a dental plan?..Oh sure. Big Kenny here,takes care of all tooth extractions.'