Job Growth Gifts

The GOOD news is that productivity is SOARING...the BAD news is that we're going to have to get a bigger office.

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'It seems every time my business grows so does my paperwork!'

Others will fight for you

37 years in the same position.

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

"Hey, you stick your neck out on a regular basis, it's gonna happen. The important thing is to just get up and keep moving forward."

'We need to change our luck. Let's move our headquarters to Redmond, the home of Microsoft.'

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

Upward Progress

"Yes, you have given 100% to this company. But, over the five years you've worked here that's only 20% a year."

'Curious how all four previous employers spelt 'exceptional' with just an 'x'.'

'I'm sure that you are highly qualified. It's just that we're not hiring anyone at the third grade level.'

'We'd like to pay you what you're worth, too, Fenstrom. Unfortunately we must conform to the minimum wage law.'

'Wow! That's some growth spurt!'

One man's obstacle is another man's stepping stone.

'Let's keep in mind that although quitters never win, they often manage to avoid litigation.'

'The ultimate sign of success is when no one puts you on hold.'

'Excellent!...We've been looking to hire someone who can think outside the box.'

In and Out Sourced.

Between Offices

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

Sign: 'Welcome to Fernbanks. Beneath our quaint Norman Rockwell-ish exterior beats a big-box chain store heart, ready to sell out at the drop of a hat.'

"It seems like only yesterday that Dad told me I'll be an adult before I know it."

Work Slave

I'm over-educated and under-employed. That's why there's no MIDDLE class anymore.

Soaring Profits

"Wait, you're firing me?! But I was Time magazine’s Person of the Year!"

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'