Job Applicant Sympathizer Pillows

Frankenstein "Damn it! Not another ethic origin questionaire"

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

"OK, you're good and just the guy we need in security."

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

"I'm so efficient I can screw up two assignments in the time it takes most people to screw up just one."

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."

"It raises trust issues, Mr. Kranse, when your very first question is 'what's the catch?'."

"I'm going to send you to someone who's more familiar with the law of the jungle."

'You've spelt 'C.V.' wrongly.'

'You're on the shortlist. It's between you and the bloke who's going to get the job.'

"I take it this is your first interview since the start of lockdown?"

"You would be perfect if you weren't you!"

'Now let me explain our retirement plan.'

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

'Vicious, intelligent and ruthless? Certainly. But I think my biggest asset is that I'm a survivor!'

'I'm sorry, but you have a very impressive resume, and at this company, we find competence threatening.'

"According to your resume, you've done nothing of any real significance since inventing the wheel."

Milton wonders if it would be possible to substitute scotch and sex for tea and sympathy.

"I can work for twelve straight hours without needing to be recharged."

"I know you used to be our paperboy. That's why when you leave, you'll find your resume on the roof."

"I have had three work-related heart attacks, witch shows you that I care about my job."

"And just how long have you been, 5' 10"?"

'We'd like to show you our appreciation of your many years of dedicated service to this company...But first we need to know what your name is and what it is you do around here!'

"So you wouldn't be interrupted while interviewing me, I took the liberty of calling in a bomb threat."

"I can see from your résumé that you're a man."

Department of Statistics: "Are you prepared to give 110 per cent?"

"I wouldn't have any trouble staying awake. I just came out of hibernation."

"Will this job involve multiple choice, true and false, or essay questions?"

'What about the rolls you promised me?'

'You say here that hard work doesn't scare you as long as you hide your eyes.'

"Where would you say you are on the confidence/cockiness spectrum?"

"The pay will be commensurate with your ability to pull the wool over my eyes."

"You had the persistence to wind your way through our labyrinthian phone system to ask for an interview...you're hired!"

'Your resume looks good. Let me hear some of your incantations.'