Employment Empathizers Pillows

"One hundred billion workers and I'm the only one made redundant. Do you realise how unlucky that makes me feel?"

The Golfing Accident

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

'Long shift?'

"It raises trust issues, Mr. Kranse, when your very first question is 'what's the catch?'."

"Ever get the feeling you're being watched?"

Resume Dumpers

Lumberjack and tree share a smile.

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

Bear fumbling whilst fishing.

"I know you used to be our paperboy. That's why when you leave, you'll find your resume on the roof."

"We got him through a firm of headhunters"

"Your employees have lost faith in your ability to pretend to care about them."

'I see you worked here seven years ago. Don't you have a better reference than that?'

"That was a good interview. Do you have any other questions about this company?"

'The candidate must be decisive and independently minded.' - 'Would I describe myself as 'decisive and independently minded'?' - 'Would you describe me as 'decisive and independently minded'?'

"Give it to me straight, doc. Will I outlive social security and medicare?"

'I received matching offers.'

"I told you they had a tough interview process here."

"Maybe we apply as a group....crowdsourcing employment."

'Who said honesty is the best policy?'

'I'd love to have whatever job you have left.'

Very well, Mr Potter. I blinked first. You're hired.

"Too much caffeine for Mr. Hopper"

'We're looking for someone who would be comfortable toiling in obscurity for at least thirty years.'

'I'm going to write a salary figure on this piece of paper. You tell me if it is acceptable or too high.'

'The LACK of a resume indicates that I don't need one.'

"Ugh, tell me about it! They pressure you to be a good boy and I get unreal expectations of prettiness!"

Compete with This

'Since you were previously self-employed, you shouldn't mind working for us without a health plan.'

"Does this bird make me look fat?"

Mouse to occupant about trap: 'How could you?'

Personnel. We're overstaffed right now. With the amount of work I do, I'd hardly be noticed.

'Heyyy, you're hired! Want a peanut?'

5 YEARS AGO