Entitlement Empathizer Pillows

"Give it to me straight, doc. Will I outlive social security and medicare?"

The Golfing Accident

'I get the feeling you're wagging your tale on the outside and crying on the inside.'

Can't even hold signs well.

'Long shift?'

"Ever get the feeling you're being watched?"

The Female Brain and The Other One

'We can't cut entitlements for federal employees. We're federal employees.'

Bear fumbling whilst fishing.

Lumberjack and tree share a smile.

Todays Sermon: 'Can our entitlements be saved?'

"You gave me the wrong drink. I demand a total refund!!" "OK. Where's the drink?" "What do you mean? I drank it. It wasn't till I was done that I realized it was the wrong drink. The right drink leaves a different aftertaste." "You can't finish the drink and then ask for a refund. That's not how it works." "You didn't tell me that before I paid for the wrong drink. So that's on you." "That's not how it works!"

'I think your son is being bullied. He's suffering 80% Chinese wrist burns.'

"Nothing is ever in my size either."

No safe haven

STRIP *Community Care * Office rage"

"Get a hold of yourself, Jerry! We ALL knew the risks we were taking with the new corporate motto. When you care, it's easy to get hurt!"

"Of course I'm listening to your expression of spiritual suffering. Don't you see me making eye contact, striking an open posture, leaning towards you and nodding emphatically."

"On a scale of one to ten. How happy would you say you are?"

'Please, sir -- I appeal to your common humanity!'

Mouse to occupant about trap: 'How could you?'

"Ugh, tell me about it! They pressure you to be a good boy and I get unreal expectations of prettiness!"

"I just can't see or hear what you are saying."

"Does this bird make me look fat?"

'I realize working in the Complaints Department can be tough. But it must be a thrill to work with the public on a daily basis.'

'If it's sympathy you're after... forget it !'

"My lab tests are in. I'm lactose intolerant."

'It's one of the worst parts of the job. Seeing people in the most awful conditions. Cold, squalid, not fit for human habitation...It's no wonder we can't keep the staff.'

'Half the cabinet went to top schools and top universities, so what do they know?'

'I wish I could be your boss for a week and you could be the secretary.'

"People don't agree on PRECISELY the right language but it's generally agreed that 'humongous lardy fat lump' is probably overstepping the mark."

“I've come to believe that I'm powerless over tennis balls.”

'Your x-ray shows an enlarged heart but it's nothing to be concerned about. All liberals have enlarged heart, to make room for others.'