Job Advice Aficionados Pillows

'Are you actively seeking job rejection letters?'

"I've told you why I need a dog. Now suppose you tell me what makes you think you might be that dog."

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."

Resume Dumpers

'I didn't have time to prepare a resume.'

'Are all of these letters of recommendation from your mother?'

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

'If you can tell the difference between good advice and bad advice, you don't need advice.'

'Other than the fact that you were a trustee at the county jail, do you have any other character references?'

"Only time can heal a broken heart, Brenda, and fortunately I have the time, every Thursday at three o'clock."

"You come highly recommended. I like that."

"Would you thrive in a hostile work environment?"

'What went particularly well?'

'OK, Mr Henman, apart from hitting balls into a net what oher skills do you have?'

Personnel,' Possible candidates'-'That'll be the day'.

'The company is losing millions and the press are asking questions. Gentlemen,we're looking for a scapegoat.'

"That's not all I do. Actually I'm a psychological counselor- gymnast-motivational speaker-relaxation therapist-sex worker."

Very well, Mr Potter. I blinked first. You're hired.

"And my approval rating is sixty-two."

"That's great that you're on 8 different social media sites, but how are you at bank reconciliations, accounts payable, and working?"

'I asked you for one good reason why I should follow your advice, not six.'

Irish Bricklayer

'My astrologer says one thing, my guru says another, my psychiatrist says something else - I don't know who to turn to anymore.'

"Do you have any questions apart from 'where did I get my jazzy tie'?"

"I like my job. It keeps me alive."

"I've just got back the job description for your new assistant."

'Hmm... He is remarkably dumb! He would be perfect for our new test-marketing position!'

'This is the worst resume I've ever seen!'

"You know, after all these years of giving you advice on all. Things personal and professional, it occurred to me that you've never actually asked for my opinion."

'Oh yeah! My self help group knows a lot more than your psychiatrist. First of all, there's a lot more of them.'

"I can do thirty five words a minute."

"It's the Ask Sadie advice hour. 'Shmernie' in Vermont, you're on. What's your problem?" "How do I know when it's time to give up? I've tried so hard to warn people about how they're getting screwed over, but they keep vot-- I mean, hanging out with the screwer-overers." "Give it up, 'Shmernie!' It's over!" "This reminds me of the time great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandmother Cohen's advice show answered a parchment from 'S

'About this cv of yours...' - 'You can skip over the part about the potty training.'

'I fired my motivational trainer and started listening to my mother.'

"Just your resume. We're not interested in the DNA testing."