Jittery Jet-setter Gifts

'But Sir we are still in port...'

Flight attendant piloting Santa's sleigh.

Largest passenger aircraft ever built. "Why does it have to be so big?" "We had to make extra room for all the subsidy money."

"It's cheaper than coach, and he gets more legroom."

"Hell: The Airport"

Dog on a plane.

'Round-the-world ticket please!' - 'One way?'

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking, and this is your captain siiinnngiiinnng."

"Have you decided where to travel?"

"We want to fly the friendly skies, but only with friendly fellow passengers."

Business traveller dreaming of home.

"Sometimes I think the captain doesn't appreciate the seriousness of military maneuvers."

Plane crash on football pitch.

'Your excessive weight is a too-heavy carry-on and we must charge accordingly, excessively!'

'Once you're seated and have safely stowed all carry-ons, we'll start the bidding for seat belts.'

Flight nap

"Any chance of an upgrade?"

'And one more thing, while you're in Bangkok be careful of the ladies in Patpong district. They may not be all they appear to be.'

'Make those to go.'

'Tonight'sTopStory:Somebodydummpedcaffeineinthecity'swatersupply!'

'Can you recommend someplace where nothing is expected of us? Wilbur can't stand pleasure of any sort.'

'Want to buzz the airport?'

'Why isn't there zero tolerance to drugs and alcohol?'

"This is your captain. Welcome to Flight 112, non-stop service from Detroit to Tampa. For your enjoyment I made us a mix tape, which will begin shortly."

"This guy's been acting kinda funny."

"Your pilot is still de-icing."

Fiscal Responsibility

"Our gold-plus members get live-streaming of economy class so you can see how cramped and irritable they are."

"Why yes, it is my last flight. How'd you guess?"

"Which way to departures?"

Left Luggage/Right Luggage

"Whatever you hit Captain it wasn't a bird. The only thing I can see in here is lot s of wrapping paper, broken toys and shattered antlers."

'Your luggage was accidentally sent to Singapore, sir, and you're being tried in absentia there for smuggling after-shave lotion.'

"I sometimes wonder if these kids really live in the catchment area"

"The government has sent some guidelines as to how er can cut our carbon footprint down..."