Jewelry Collection Pillows

"I'm taking no chances, I've invested everything in gold."

"One man's treasure is also another man's treasure."

'Oh my God. I love it!'

"I wish I had her jewelry." "I wish I had his wife." "I wish I had her figure." "I wish I had his money."

'Go ahead and laugh, but I lose my keys less frequently than you do.'

Venn Diagram: DIamonds

Life Store Guide: Make-up and jewellery

Jewellery Shop: Disposable income spoken here.

Diamond outfits

"But until I do transmute lead into gold, maybe I could interest you in some lovely lead jewelry."

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

Things my vacuum likes to suck up

"My wife wanted to see a diamond. So I took her to a ballgame."

'We recommend that you get a ring of equal weight for the other hand to prevent improper alignment of your spine.'

"See what I mean? It's going to take a bigger diamond."

"Diamonds are so three billion years ago..."

A Zircon Is Forever

'I want to finish with him, but I'll have to wait until he's made the final payment on my engagement ring.'

'Ouwth! Bid my tong!'

Lots of shiny glass objects! Darling, you're spoiling me!

'Or you can rent by the week...'

'We would like to buy three rings... Engagement, wedding and teething!'

"I'd like to have my teeth scrimshawed without being, you know, harpooned."

'It's one of our new technology rings, it allows you to download karats.'

'We always like to give more bling for the buck.'

'It's in my belly-button if you must know!'

"It was her mothers"

Cow and Milk

Will you be mine?

"Next time you meet me dressed as a giant boy, it's going to cost you a pair of diamond earrings."

'It started with a kiss - then their nose rings got locked.'

Posh Easter Egg

Jewellers - "If you really love your wife to be, then money should be no object."

'...And this one comes with a magnifying glass so she can show it off to her friends.'

It is my mother's, she uses it as an anchor for our yacht.