Jewelry Collection Pillows

"I'm taking no chances, I've invested everything in gold."

"One man's treasure is also another man's treasure."

'Oh my God. I love it!'

The Missing Sock Returns

"I wish I had her jewelry." "I wish I had his wife." "I wish I had her figure." "I wish I had his money."

Diamond outfits

Jewellery Shop: Disposable income spoken here.

Life Store Guide: Make-up and jewellery

'Go ahead and laugh, but I lose my keys less frequently than you do.'

Venn Diagram: DIamonds

'We recommend that you get a ring of equal weight for the other hand to prevent improper alignment of your spine.'

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

"See what I mean? It's going to take a bigger diamond."

"My wife wanted to see a diamond. So I took her to a ballgame."

Things my vacuum likes to suck up

"Diamonds are so three billion years ago..."

"But until I do transmute lead into gold, maybe I could interest you in some lovely lead jewelry."

A Zircon Is Forever

Lots of shiny glass objects! Darling, you're spoiling me!

'Ouwth! Bid my tong!'

'Or you can rent by the week...'

'We would like to buy three rings... Engagement, wedding and teething!'

'I want to finish with him, but I'll have to wait until he's made the final payment on my engagement ring.'

"I'd like to have my teeth scrimshawed without being, you know, harpooned."

'It's one of our new technology rings, it allows you to download karats.'

'We always like to give more bling for the buck.'

'It's in my belly-button if you must know!'

Posh Easter Egg

"It was her mothers"

It is my mother's, she uses it as an anchor for our yacht.

Cow and Milk

Jewellers - "If you really love your wife to be, then money should be no object."

"Next time you meet me dressed as a giant boy, it's going to cost you a pair of diamond earrings."

'It started with a kiss - then their nose rings got locked.'

'...And this one comes with a magnifying glass so she can show it off to her friends.'