Jesting Knight Pillows

"We're following Carrot Top."

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

"#notguilty."

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

'Throw me back and I'll tell you where a 12-pounder is hiding.'

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

Stepping on clown's shoe...

Yawning barristers in court

'People have been known to lose an eye when a wink goes seriously wrong.'

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

'Don't worry boss, it's probably archaic!'

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

"Dave here, is a lawyer. But don't be too impressed, he only specialises in petty crime."

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

'He started it!'

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'

'I believe in trial and error, I believe my client being brought to trial is an error.'

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

'Keep it under you hat, but I want you to enrich some uranium.'

"I'm popping out for a tinkle."

Sub Post Office/Sub-Justice

Justice

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

"I got probation."

"'Ignorance of the law is no excuse.' Golly! I never heard that one! Did you ever hear that one?"

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

'If you can't afford a media adviser the court will appoint you one.'

"We, the jury, find the defendant."

"Not guilty, Your Honor, and thank you for asking."

'Hmmm...It is: innocent until proven guilty? Or is it: guilty until proven innocent?'