Jester In The Boardroom Gifts

After their colleagues had mocked their presentation, only one course of action was open...

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

"Obviously some people here don't appreciate the gravity of our situation."

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

Bo're'droom

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

"I hate performance review season."

"Mr. Johnson, Bob is kicking me under the table!"

'Now that we've defined 'happy deficits' let's try it out on the stockholders.'

'He was only reaching for his powerpoint presentation pointer.'

'I went into that meeting with a hidden agenda and then forgot where I put it.'

"Tell the vice presidents they've downsized enough."

'I've given a lot of thought to giving some thought to your latest proposal.'

The Department of Mystery - No one really knows who we are or what we do, including us.

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is, none of us will be alive then.'

'All those in doubt, raise your eyebrows.'

"When I said to convince him of the need for change I was hoping you'd use the seductive power of reason and logic."

"That's unanimous then - we don't know what to do."

"At least we are consistently inconsistent."

'I want ideas so bold, so wildly innovative, so undeniably brilliant that they retain a shred of originality after everyone picks them to pieces.'

'Kimble, I'm going to give you a chance at purchasing - nip over to the cafe and get me a cheese and pickle sandwich.'

"That's a very difficult problem to address, Ted, could you restate it as a solution?"

"It says here on your resume that one of your qualities is a sense of humor. Care to elaborate?"

Business cartoon showing sales declining so much that they bounce off the floor.

Although not felt by everone, Wanda's powrful jargon sent seismic shock waves through some of the more geologically unstable department in the organization.

"Our Big Hairy Audacious Goal is balding."

"You're quitting? You're walking out?? Couldn't you have at least waited until I finished outsourcing the company??!"

Stand-up comic/ceo: 'A funny thing happened on the way to the board meeting...'