Jealous Warrior Gifts

'Wow, a sixty-four arrow quiver with built-in sharpener! I'm so jealous.' (First day at archery school.)

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

"Are we going for suntan, personal development or being the envy of our friends on Instagram?"

"You've reached Randy the love doctor. What ails you?"

Could you see anything in her? I certainly couldn't! (Man's eyes are popping out of his head).

"I wish you would actually sell one of these novels...all these returned manuscripts are giving me backaches!"

Militant Pacifists

Fishing Contest

'Thank God, no tasers in my day!'

'You're too aggressive.'

"A 15 page 'to do' list is a 'don't do' list."

"The doctor will see you in a week - if you could still be ill a week on Wednesday."

'I understand yours is a highly coveted position in this company.'

'I'll say one thing about your manuscript, Mr.Jackson - it's very shreddable.'

'Lost in the Jungle I found this Buddhist retreat...'

Tai Chi vs. Chai Tea

Calm in the Face of Chaos

It seemed to Elsa that the advertising pop-ups become more and more intrusive day by day...

'How long have you been submitting novels, Grandad?'

"Namaste! The divinity in me versus the divinity in you!"

'It's from the New Yorker, I've been rejected 200 times, once for each word.'

Karate School.

Jealous of a statue.

"She's cute, but she's eroding my power base."

'Oi! Take your eyes off 'im - he's my bitch!'

'I got GI Joe Peace for my birthday.'

'Democracy? I thought we were spreading love.'

"I looked up my symptoms on the internet and I'm worried that I might be dead."

"Comparison is the thief of joy, Mittens."

Hippy fighting off medicine.

'Don't mind him. He's just an 'X' who's jealous of 'U'.'

'The three essentials for any work of art are content, composition, and how envious it makes the neighbors.'