Jealous Warrior Gifts

'Wow, a sixty-four arrow quiver with built-in sharpener! I'm so jealous.' (First day at archery school.)

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

"Are we going for suntan, personal development or being the envy of our friends on Instagram?"

"You've reached Randy the love doctor. What ails you?"

Could you see anything in her? I certainly couldn't! (Man's eyes are popping out of his head).

"I wish you would actually sell one of these novels...all these returned manuscripts are giving me backaches!"

Militant Pacifists

Fishing Contest

'Thank God, no tasers in my day!'

'You're too aggressive.'

'Lost in the Jungle I found this Buddhist retreat...'

'I understand yours is a highly coveted position in this company.'

'I'll say one thing about your manuscript, Mr.Jackson - it's very shreddable.'

"The doctor will see you in a week - if you could still be ill a week on Wednesday."

"A 15 page 'to do' list is a 'don't do' list."

Tai Chi vs. Chai Tea

It seemed to Elsa that the advertising pop-ups become more and more intrusive day by day...

Calm in the Face of Chaos

"Namaste! The divinity in me versus the divinity in you!"

"So...are you still saving up to buy a 1964 Chevy Impala now that Joey has one?"

'How long have you been submitting novels, Grandad?'

'It's from the New Yorker, I've been rejected 200 times, once for each word.'

Karate School.

Jealous of a statue.

"She's cute, but she's eroding my power base."

'I got GI Joe Peace for my birthday.'

'Democracy? I thought we were spreading love.'

'Oi! Take your eyes off 'im - he's my bitch!'

"I looked up my symptoms on the internet and I'm worried that I might be dead."

'Oi! Mind where you're going!'

Hippy fighting off medicine.

"Comparison is the thief of joy, Mittens."

"Whose idea was it to pillage a zen garden?"

'Don't mind him. He's just an 'X' who's jealous of 'U'.'

Baby Doves in a Soldier's Abandoned Helmet