January Joiner Gifts

New Year's Resolution. . .

"It was terrifying experience being faced with that kind of compulsive, insane behaviour...I tell you it's positively the last time I put foot in the sales!"

'…and remember - around HERE, ‘talk is CHEEP'.'

'What kind of alteration did you have in mind?'

The Paper Route

Mom? Eco club is starting a campaign to eat local food. Good idea. Would you please pack me a lunch from organic stuff grown near here? Ok. I'm sure we have something. Thanks! Oh, boy. A beet sandwich.

Are you interested in UFOs? Advanced life forms? Free medical screenings? Alternative underwear? Snacks and refreshments? Non-sexual turtles? Reverse pound cake? Science? Join us.

'Hello, Robinson Crusoe here, I'd like my kitchen finished by Friday.'

"Yup, looks like your bookcase is full. You might want to start thinking about getting a new one."

The sword in the all-natural impossible-to-stir peanut butter.

"However good father's 'beaver-o-matic' was..."

"This poem was written at a time in my life when I wrote a poem."

"I am in training for the sales."

The Janopause

Yoga. Welcome back! Thank you. Why did you stop coming? I couldn't decide if I liked yoga, or

'Amen will do ... You don't need to do the wave.'

Giant sale - 'Sorry Luv - that's the last one.'

'Actually, we're members of a mountain climbing club named for sir Edmund Hillary.'

'That's Kevin Hurley. He wants us to know he's an Eagle Scout.'

"I'm having a dry October. . . October 2045."

January Sales

Holidays are Here, Think!

'Be wormier!'

'Now we can receive e-mail!'

Old man learning to ice skate

'Your glaucoma will never improve this way, Buzzy.'

"Oh well. . . another New Year's resolution shot!"

Red Hat Society Members.

'I read the Club's constitution and then realized I did fit the entry criteria, so I decided to join...'

'Could you put me into an induced coma for four weeks?'

"I'm getting not-so-subtle hints of Dry January remorse, envy and resentment."

'I belong to so many book clubs I no longer have time to read!'

"This Dry January thing is going to be a real challenge."

'Okay ladies, husband's credit cards at the ready. On your marks, get set...'

'Transfer every penny from my joint account to a safe deposit box until Thursday when the sales finish!'