Jailbird Chuckler Gifts

'I made good money - until they added colour to the twenty dollar bills.'

'I confessed to killing the guy! What happened to, "The truth shall set you free"?'

"White Collar Prison"

Yoga Sequence to Avoid

'My biggest mistake was to make a 'death-bed confession'... then I made a full recovery!'

"How would you feel about inviting my family for Thanksgiving dinner?"

'They got me for trespassing, grand theft cookie and trafficking Xboxes across state lines.'

'He's been like this ever since he found out that he's a Rare Breed ...'

"I'm the first one in my family to do time."

'Smooth move -- Now we're in REAL trouble!'

Rudolph unblocking a chimney

Actual reader mail. Dear Dr. Sadie, Bless you Doctor. I wrote you back last July and asked you if I could expand my grumpiness beyond getting up in the morning. I took your wonderful advice and now there isn't a neighbor, fellow employee or friend that's not fed up with me. You have given me a new existence and once I get out of this lousy jail I'll let the rest of the world know just how annoying I am. I owe it all to you, Sadie. If you ever need a testimonial, call me. Signed, An ol' stick in

'Sure I do bad things, but I do them in moderation.'

"Miss Robins, get me a ladder and a hacksaw, if you will, please."

We only follow one star round here, buddy!

''Where do you see yourself in five years'? That's a stupid question! You know darn well I'll be finishing 5-years of a 25-year sentence!'

Oh, those are just photos of my first 1,000 kids – I haven't shown you the second 1,000 yet.

"The reason I never get any visitors is because all my family and friends are in here!"

'Cold hands, warm heart,' my ass, thought Bessie.

"The bad news is Lady Sybil has died in childbirth. On the other hand, Bates is back home and Tom's sticking around to help run the estate."

'Look on the bright side -- we could still be in the MARKET.'

Love in prison.

'MY doctor says I don't get out enough!'

'It was sort of like a penalty for early withdrawal. The bank hadn't opened yet.'

'It's best if you take it one day at a time.'

"I keep getting into a flap."

'Your mother reckons you look like your baby photos now without your dandruff, dear.'

Yoga - moooooooo.

"He thinks you're playing fetch."

'Forget about it, we all try it when we arrive here, but it's a concrete floor...'

'So what's your recommendation? I suggest a tunnel.'

Merry Christmas

"I believe thr guv'nor used to own a boarding house in Blackpool."

'That day was pretty bad! That day was awful! That day right there wasn't too bad. That day was okay. Oh, yeah, that day...it was horrible!...'

'Yeah...who knew community service would be this harsh?'