Ivory Dealer Gifts

The interview seemed to be going well until Gordon's sixth sense kicked in.

Larry's used art

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

"I think he was a celebrity."

Concert Pianist.

"It was terrifying experience being faced with that kind of compulsive, insane behaviour...I tell you it's positively the last time I put foot in the sales!"

"They're on special offer so I got three times more than I could ever use for twice as much as I could afford!"

Misunderstood artist

'Are you sure this is authentic ancient Indian art?'

Piano Recital

“It's $195 million. Now, I know what you're thinking: 'OK, what's the catch?'”

That's supposed to say garage sale!

'I highly recommend this painting if you're interested in art as an investment.'

Sale.

"Eventually the instrument becomes an extension of your body."

'And I want that end table for $40...' When bargain hunters crack.

"The Box is bigger, the contents smaller, increased the price and called it improved."

Sold! For £42,000 to the... No wait - it's the wrong way round!

'Today, the dollar gained against the euro, pound, yen, yuan, the Picasso, Degas, and the Warhol.'

Screwdriver labelled 'Buyer' and screw labelled 'seller'.

"Well, your feng shui isn't my feng shui."

Jerry Lordan

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

Half-Price Haircut and Half-Cut Price Hair.

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

Customer Convention

"It may well be a hugely significant example of early 18th century Flemish art...but as head of merchandising I have to ask 'What would it look like on a fridge magnet?'"

"It's called 'Sold'."

'hold the blog - I got a bargain in the sales'

General Motors.

Pizza Special: 5 Pizzas for $50 (Limit 4).

"I'm innocent. I've just never been able to pass up a good plea bargain."

"My two-year-old actually did paint that."

Buy One Get One Free Sign Outside Shoe Shop

"I give you the seven-billion dollar pup, then you give me back the seven-billion-dollar pup."