Is An Instruction Manual Skeptic Pillows

Apparently, there are manuals, and then there are MANUALS.

'The wheel was easy, the owner's manual is hard!'

Introducing... The Everything Else Morning-After Pill!

"The guide book sys it's the best B.&B. in the Carpathians."

"Today let's work on changing channels, drinking with a mouthful of food, and yelling at the TV all at the same time."

New from Low-Key Press.

'That's not what it looked like in the shop...' - 'It's near enough.'

"The central digital platform is temporarily renamed Project Schrödinger’s Cat. Until it is accessed on the 24th February it both is and is not a working system."

'My philosophy has always been, sell advice, don't follow it.'

Telling Self to Buzz Off

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

'You can do whatever you want, Herb, but I sure wouldn't take advice from a bowl of alphabet soup!'

Junk Stamps For Junk Mail.

"I'm an atheist. I don't believe in programmers."

Egomaniacs Anonymous - "There's nothing anonymous about me!"

Older cousin press

'I haven't been trying for years and look where it's gotten me.'

"Do not bury yourself alive if allergic to burying yourself alive."

Shut Yer Yapper and be Happy, Loser! There's a ton of so-called simple self-help books. The five most important questions: 7 habits of highly effective people: 7 steps to living at your fullest potential. Too many steps! She's going to be filthy rich.

'Self-help books for cynics'

"I think I've spotted your problem."

'Thank goodness, the publishers rejected my self help book.'

'I did it the hard way. No self-improvement books.'

Success Without Effort

Down with Chicken Soup Books

'Bucky's new book, I think.'

"These are just the directions to the remote. The directions to the TV are much longer. Technology!"

"I'm thinking of skipping the holidays this year, in protest." "Very good, little buddy." "I see you've read chapter 7 of 'Randy "the Rock" Taylor's Guide to Winning Respect'." "Become an admirable person by sacrificing something meaningful to you, in order to help others achieve something meaningful to them." "I'm very proud of you, young grasshopper." "I'm protesting the fact that I can't shop at H&M on Thanksgiving 'cause they'll be closed."

'What shall I do with these old books of yours? '

"How to spot a rip-off" Save thousands! Only £120

Self Help ...Beg, Borrow, and Steal

"It's my personal, one step recipe for success. Step 1: Gimme all your money."

I'm away from my desk. Any message you leave won't be of any importance to me.

'We'd like to return it. There wasn't any on-screen chemistry between us.'

"So if I'm to understand you correctly, this 'engineered athletic footwear' with its 'extended torsion system' is also a sneaker?"