Irreverent Humor Lover Gifts

Holy Water/Holy S**t

"And I told them not to use lactose for the last supper..."

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"Look! No hands!"

Crap from the future.

'Of course I stretched first. That's how I hurt myself.'

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

Apple Pie Abduction

"Seriously, just pull my finger ..."

Gardening Calendar: January - The Snow will be deep now...get out into the garden...

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

The Hammer

'Don't you have a better escape plan than that?'

"Despite thoroughly scraping the celebrity barrel, that Orwellian nightmare Celebrity Big Brother is back on our screens again."

'I told you it wouldn't work.'

"You are still here."

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

Public footpath on a desert island.

"The candy on the pillow is a nicety of the house."

Honest Voting Stickers

The Monroe Doctrine

"Daisy, that fall broke my leg pretty badly. You need to go get help, girl - oh, what a big stretch! Who’s a good stretcher? Daisy’s a good stretcher! What a good girl…"

Anti-inflammation recipes

'Where Are They Now?'

"The pea's the first vegetable I've ever grown. Can you stuff and mount it for me please?"

'Henry was an undecided voter four years ago when he entered that voting booth, and I'm still waiting for him to decide and come home.'

"The way you look at me, Craig... you really see me."

"Ah...summer...and umbrellas as far as you can see...it reminds me of England!"

Before disposing of useless information please make file copies.

'You're a good man, Henderson, but you don't have your staff's respect.'

Think tanks.

Evil Henchman Gets a Promotion.

"I'll have dessert first."