Irreverent Humor Lover Gifts

Holy Water/Holy S**t

"And I told them not to use lactose for the last supper..."

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"Look! No hands!"

Crap from the future.

Apple Pie Abduction

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

'Of course I stretched first. That's how I hurt myself.'

Gardening Calendar: January - The Snow will be deep now...get out into the garden...

"Seriously, just pull my finger ..."

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

Madame ZuZu. Dream Interpretation. Tarot. Palms. She says the dream where I'm taking a test naked means I barely made it through school.

'I told you it wouldn't work.'

"Despite thoroughly scraping the celebrity barrel, that Orwellian nightmare Celebrity Big Brother is back on our screens again."

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

The Hammer

'Don't you have a better escape plan than that?'

"You are still here."

Public footpath on a desert island.

"The candy on the pillow is a nicety of the house."

Honest Voting Stickers

"Ah...summer...and umbrellas as far as you can see...it reminds me of England!"

"Daisy, that fall broke my leg pretty badly. You need to go get help, girl - oh, what a big stretch! Who’s a good stretcher? Daisy’s a good stretcher! What a good girl…"

"The way you look at me, Craig... you really see me."

'Where Are They Now?'

"The pea's the first vegetable I've ever grown. Can you stuff and mount it for me please?"

Anti-inflammation recipes

'Henry was an undecided voter four years ago when he entered that voting booth, and I'm still waiting for him to decide and come home.'

The Monroe Doctrine

Before disposing of useless information please make file copies.

'You're a good man, Henderson, but you don't have your staff's respect.'

Evil Henchman Gets a Promotion.

Think tanks.