Irony Interpreter Pillows

'That's not in addition to your pension, that IS your pension.'

'Most cases like yours, Mr. Johnson, clear up completely with a healthy dose of skepticism!'

"I've written the employees' benefit manual in invisible ink"

"It was a false alarm. She was just dying to tell her friend gossip."

"Is this your work?"

'Even I am going to vote for my opposition!'

Ferguson, Bramley, Osgood & Holt - Big Frogs in a Small Pond.

Statue of Liberty

"Living in a city with functional infrastructure must be so boring."

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"Ironically, this is the living room."

Though he created more than 300 products from peanuts, George Washington Carver was unable to change even one of them back into a peanut.

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

Bob had to confront his fear of butterflies.

"All natural snow cones for sale."

"Would you relax? All you guys are so tense. I just wanted to tell you to your face how enigmatic I find you."

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

'This country is on the road to ruin.' - 'Well, it'll never get there in this traffic.'

Backfire

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

Freedom comes at a cost. We must be willing to pay the ultimate price. Retail.

"They haven't said two words to each other—it's sad... I hope we don't end up like that." "They keep talking to each other—it's exhausting... So glad we don't have to do that."

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

'Dang it, I just washed this street. Boy, every time...'

Always empty your fridge before starting a diet.

"To be honest, I don't believe in ghosts."

"How do you do it, hon? Marriage, kids, civic responsibilities, managing a multi-million dollar business and still finding time to do an 18-month stretch for securities fraud?"

Dialogue

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'