Irony Analyst Pillows

Department of Who's Your Daddy?

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"Ironically, this is the living room."

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

"All natural snow cones for sale."

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

"So then, after I'd invented my time machine, I thought: why not go back and visit the good old days?"

"Would you relax? All you guys are so tense. I just wanted to tell you to your face how enigmatic I find you."

Backfire

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"It says 'break glass' but it doesn't say what glass!'

Freedom comes at a cost. We must be willing to pay the ultimate price. Retail.

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

Unpopular Street Signs: Road Work Behind, Speed Jump Ahead, Good Luck, Slow Distracted Adults.

'Dang it, I just washed this street. Boy, every time...'

"And we are proud to say we only use the freshest artificial ingredients."

'The meek shall inherit the Earth!'

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

Always empty your fridge before starting a diet.

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

"To be honest, I don't believe in ghosts."

"Well, look at the bright side, Timmy — you're 100 percent wrong."

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

"Ooh look Derek. A shooting star. Quick make a wish"

'I'm so bored - nothing ever happens around here!'