Irony Analyst Gifts

Department of Who's Your Daddy?

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"Ironically, this is the living room."

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

"All natural snow cones for sale."

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

Backfire

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

"Would you relax? All you guys are so tense. I just wanted to tell you to your face how enigmatic I find you."

"So then, after I'd invented my time machine, I thought: why not go back and visit the good old days?"

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"It says 'break glass' but it doesn't say what glass!'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

Freedom comes at a cost. We must be willing to pay the ultimate price. Retail.

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

"To be honest, I don't believe in ghosts."

"And we are proud to say we only use the freshest artificial ingredients."

"Well, look at the bright side, Timmy — you're 100 percent wrong."

Wifi in Hell

Unpopular Street Signs: Road Work Behind, Speed Jump Ahead, Good Luck, Slow Distracted Adults.

'The meek shall inherit the Earth!'

'Dang it, I just washed this street. Boy, every time...'

Always empty your fridge before starting a diet.

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

Deer Season Open.

"Ooh look Derek. A shooting star. Quick make a wish"