Humor Analyst Pillows

'Formerly, 'Regular' and 'Extra-Strength'.'

"I was going to tell you it's a jungle out there, but I realize that's probably old news to you."

If Movies Were Marketed Like Politicians

"Devin agrees with the president. Americans are dreamers too."

"One of the hardest things to understand when you're in a different culture is their sense of humor."

"Someday, Ed, we're going to look back on all this and litigate."

'Ironic that these days as soon as you hear an audience laughing at a new comedy, you know it isn't funny.'

Remember when Daycare Centers were called 'home'.

"Why do you always have to be so gloomy, Andrew?"

"And anyway we'd be no good in bed - I've done the math."

"I'll talk! I'll talk! I'll talk!"

'Our strategy is perfect! This is the customers' fault - they don't think the way WE do!'

"I don't like lawyer jokes. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes."

'Do you want your pie-chart with everything?'

Department of Who's Your Daddy?

"That was Brad with the Democratic weather. Now here's Tammy with the Republican weather."

" ... and markets closed lower today on news that markets would close lower today."

Frank and Ernest's Cerebral Questions. Today's question is would an "elbowhead" be smarter or dumber than a "knucklehead"? (Published originally on October 12, 2015.)

Europe

"You can come in. But don't try anything funny."

Printout in a genetics laboratory forming dna double helix

Royal Mail Privatisation

"The tests confirm it...you don't have a serious bone in your body!"

Sitcom/Sitcom with laugh track.

'So, Bob, we've decided to do some rebranding!'

'OK, who's that at the back not clowning around?'

A scathing stream of invective, wending its way, inevitably, to the sea.

"Yams, pie, stuffing, pumpkin, bean casserole, biscuits, corn, cranberry sauce, carrots, mashed potatoes...where's the turkey?"

"Hi, do you have a moment to discuss annoying people who stop you in the street?"

Partygate Met Police Enquiry - If it walks like a duck.

Book about the real meaning of Christmas is on sale.

'I could kill for a good cup of coffee now.'

'Help! As a contrarian I invested in rotary and supersized phones.'

Peace inactivist

"We're having real difficulty getting staff for children's services."