Ironically Prepared People Gifts

'Holy smokes! Thank heavens we have the canoe on the roof!'

Lecture on Chaos Theory delayed because the speaker dropped his notes.

"The key to success is knowing what people want. Too bad it isn't knowing what people don't want."

Al, The Go-From Guy

"Before we discuss your loan, Mr Carlson, perhaps you'd like to spend a few moments with out bank chaplain."

Death Takes A Time-Share

How to survive the coming crash.

There were times when Ralph wished god didn't move in such mysterious ways.

Devil worried because he feels good

"I'm sending you to someone who's less squeamish."

"Sit still why I explain why exercise is important."

A well-balanced meal to a kid is a candy bar in each hand.

"You see, I told you it was worth the climb! Your first 'bird's eye view'. . ."

Fitness Centre: Out for a Run Back in 3 Hours

Condom Delivery

I resist all change, except for TV channels, of course!

"What I'll miss most is his indefatigable optimism."

"And then in Italy Giovanni has found his soulmate"

Humpty Dumpty Gets in a Taxi.

Walk the dog.

Southwest Hampton

'Maybe now you'll admit that we're lost!?'

"They're veggie hot dogs but don't worry—they're made in a really gross way."

"Honey, it's me. Listen, I'm having second thoughts on fish for dinner."

'Gloria, I want you to meet my significant other.'

'At the end of the day, I always feel I could have done less!'

Trying to thumb his nose at authority, Lumpy stuck his thumb in his eye! Man covering eye with his hand.

Later that night, Tim crept into Andy's cave and coconutted him to death.

Research for Spontanious Human Combustion - Thank you for not smoking

'I think I'm right for this job because I'm a real people person. Now, are you going to hire me or not? I don't have all freakin' day!'

"I feel like a hypocrite writing a report on the Green Revolution. My trust fund portfolio has oil, mining, and tobacco stocks."

Sounds of Gridlock.

Diet.

'Pssst! Interested in some deviled eggs?'

Some exercise program - he power walks to snack machine!