Ironically Inclined Gifts

"The key to success is knowing what people want. Too bad it isn't knowing what people don't want."

"I feel like a hypocrite writing a report on the Green Revolution. My trust fund portfolio has oil, mining, and tobacco stocks."

The short attention span support group will be meeti...

A prisoner in a cell with a very high window, reads book: 'A room with a view'.

'Pssst! Interested in some deviled eggs?'

"...and a report of a blue-skinned, green-haired male breaking into the School for the colour blind."

Sounds of Gridlock.

'I suppose you realise this means we'll lose our disability allowance.'

'We should have known it wouldn't work when we met at the card shop, reaching for the same 'It's Not You, It's Me' card.'

Trench-digging job

The auditor gets audited.

Devil worried because he feels good

"And then in Italy Giovanni has found his soulmate"

Have a nice day: "That's simply insulting."

"Before we discuss your loan, Mr Carlson, perhaps you'd like to spend a few moments with out bank chaplain."

"Sit still why I explain why exercise is important."

Prison Reading Material

"What I'll miss most is his indefatigable optimism."

"I'm sending you to someone who's less squeamish."

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

A woman floats in the pool under the shade of an airplane

Lactose Intolerant

Freedom comes at a cost. We must be willing to pay the ultimate price. Retail.

"To be honest, I don't believe in ghosts."

"Nobody ever asked about my mental health."

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

"Admit it, we're lost."

"Lori, go ahead and toss in 'Lolita.' Now, what's next?" "We'll need more lighter fluid." "'The Lottery' is devils work." "We must protect the children." "Book burning club"

"Of course it's not clean energy -- We don't have clean ANYTHING!"

"My career's in shreds, but on the bright side, so are my files."

How to win friends and Influenza People.

Armed forces waiting with nothing to do.

"At First Infidelity we're all about integrity...."