Ironist Enthusiast Gifts

'I'm not angry -- I'm just very, very disappointed!'

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

Lactose Intolerant

"So then, after I'd invented my time machine, I thought: why not go back and visit the good old days?"

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"It says 'break glass' but it doesn't say what glass!'

Freedom comes at a cost. We must be willing to pay the ultimate price. Retail.

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

'The meek shall inherit the Earth!'

'Dang it, I just washed this street. Boy, every time...'

"And we are proud to say we only use the freshest artificial ingredients."

"Nobody ever asked about my mental health."

Unpopular Street Signs: Road Work Behind, Speed Jump Ahead, Good Luck, Slow Distracted Adults.

"To be honest, I don't believe in ghosts."

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

"Well, look at the bright side, Timmy — you're 100 percent wrong."

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."

Bookstore, the Politically Incorrect Guide to You.

"Keep your money, sir. I'm on strike!"

Emergency Phone.

"We'll destroy it to the ground ... ...and then..."

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

'Half-baked beans, low fat variety' "Who says we have no taste?"

"After a long day or remote work, it feels great to change into something less comfortable."

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

'There will be no raises this year since the state now has a lottery.'

"It was a lot more satisfying before 'catch and release.'"

"Lori, go ahead and toss in 'Lolita.' Now, what's next?" "We'll need more lighter fluid." "'The Lottery' is devils work." "We must protect the children." "Book burning club"

The Snarky District