Ironist Appreciator Gifts

'Don't call us, we'll call you, inc,'

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

"Ironically, this is the living room."

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

"Technology isn't making me smarter. It's allowing me to be dumb, faster."

"This is the perfect way to watch movies if you love mosquitoes and having a cold, wet butt."

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

"I bought it off the therapist who's helping me kick my compulsive shopping disorder."

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

Lactose Intolerant

"All natural snow cones for sale."

"I've no idea. Maybe it's the slumber channel."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

"Would you relax? All you guys are so tense. I just wanted to tell you to your face how enigmatic I find you."

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

'Dear Diarrhea, Day 84. Well, I'm constipated again today...'

Freedom comes at a cost. We must be willing to pay the ultimate price. Retail.

"It's a cage. It's gilded, and I love it."

Always empty your fridge before starting a diet.

"Nobody ever asked about my mental health."

"It says: 'The teamwork that got you here is the real treasure.' Aww."

"You've changed."

"To be honest, I don't believe in ghosts."

"The article you sent me on how technology causes stress crashed my computer."

Deer Season Open.

"Ooh look Derek. A shooting star. Quick make a wish"

"We're at the top of the food chain and rulers of all we survey. What could possibly go wrong?"